mom: don't eat the cookies yet, they just came out of the oven and are too hot
me: fire cannot kill a dragon

chickenuqqet:

"hates a strong word"

image

misery-and-demons:

tulimyrsky:

shortversion-notdeaded:

welcome to australia where our national anthem was almost a song about a guy stealing a sheep but committing suicide before the police caught him

we could have had it all

I love this because it’s actually true

seewaymore:

Blow gently on your screen

secretlymisha:

i like how i’m not even remotely phased by anyone’s url anymore like oh look at this adorable kitten that satansbloodsacrifice reblogged from 1d-lives-inside-my-actual-vagina

kid: dad whats a 69
dad: well son, a 69 is when two people who love each other very much get together with a 6 and a 9 and a 5 6 7 8 [spotlight turns on] [dad breaks into jazz number]

aresnakesreal:

like imagine if you’d never seen a dog and you saw a saint bernard and you were like, what’s that and then someone was like, thats a dog. and then you saw a chihuahua and you were like ok whats that and they were like, that’s a dog. wouldn’t you feel lied to? wouldn’t you sense that something was amiss

king-of-westeros:

kingofwesteros:

in the game of urls you win or you hyphen

you’re telling me mate

pizzajean:

she’s beauty 
she’s grace
she’s miss united states

modorrelin:

there are too many vines of cishet boys in wigs making fun of girls. we need more vines making fun of cishet boys. girls wearing snapbacks and basketball shorts like ”bro hold my AXE i’m gonna draw a penis on this board” ”yeah draw a penis haha *frightened look at camera* i’m not gay tho”

vaguette:

when the other person starts flirting first

image

the-way-im-feeling:

"Captain America": Behind the Scenes.

Sebastian’s face

©ID